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| Separation Anxiety |
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By Jacque Kirk, Director of Little Bridges Realizing that your children are growing up and going off to school usually brings up a set of mixed feelings for the entire family. But you will be feeling the strain harder than others if your child is experiencing what we call “Separation Anxiety.” I know from experience how extremely difficult it can be to say “goodbye” to your child if he is clinging to your leg for dear life and begging you not to leave. For the most part, separation anxiety is a little one's way of saying how much she really doesn't want to say goodbye. Most preschoolers and grade-schoolers experience it at some point in their early lives. Sometimes it occurs out of the blue after a change in the environment. Other times separation anxiety occurs because children are worried about life at home. Most often, however, separation anxiety is purely a "missing mom/dad" issue.If you can treat these separations matter-of-factly, your child will learn to separate rather easily, making the whole process much less draining for both of you. Below are some suggestions to help you and your child deal with separation. DO: Keep your goodbyes short and sweet. In doing so, you convey the message that you have confidence in your child's ability to cope. DON'T: Hover around. Your child will sense your anxiety, and this will make it more difficult for her to calm down. DO: Tuck away a family picture or a loving reminder in your child's backpack for her to look at later in the day. DON'T: Sneak out. You want your child to know unequivocally that she can trust you. DO: Develop loving goodbye routines. My youngest and I invented a kiss-hug-nose-rub routine that we both enjoy. DON'T: Bargain or bribe your child to behave. Your little one should be allowed her feelings. DO: Send clear messages. Your child needs to know that you expect him to go to school no matter how much he fusses, cries or stamps his feet. DON'T: Take your child home. If you do, you send the message that if your child cries enough he won't have to stay. DO: Invite children from the class over, so your child can forge friendships that will make the transition easier. DON'T: Get upset. By keeping an upbeat and positive attitude about your child's school, teacher and friends, you'll help your child feel safe and enjoy his time at school. (You can always lose it in the car when you are alone.) DO: Involve your teacher. You need someone on the other end who will greet your child and ease the transition. DON'T: Discuss problems with the teacher in the morning. Save conversations and questions for the end of the day. DO: Believe in your child's ability to make positive changes.
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